Our Hope

Hebrews 1:1 says "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." We have experienced God's love and His mercy first-hand through Nathan's short life. Our faith was tested in such a way that it left us totally dependent on God through Jesus. We had no answers as to what was going to happen next and if we would even be able to see or hold our son, Nathan, alive. We, and many, many family and friends prayed desperately that Nathan would be healed and we believed he would be. God did answer our prayers, but not in the way we wanted. Before Nathan was born the doctors could see that he had a severe brain malformation. After birth, ultrasounds indicated his brain was fine. There were several other small miracles along the way where God showed His power. Nathan beat many odds. God is good.

Throughout my pregnancy with Nathan, as a means to comfort and assure myself, I would often quote the scripture in Romans 5 about hope: "Now we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope and hope doesn't disappoint us." I kept telling everyone that God wouldn't allow all of the positive signs with Nathan's progress to occur, just to end up disappointing me. But until Nathan died, I didn't take the time to notice how that verse finishes. Starting with verse 5 through 8, "And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us." You see I was looking at it all wrong. My hope was for earthly things. As any mother would, I desperately wanted my son here with me. But God's hope is spiritual, eternal and His will for our lives is perfect, even if it is sometimes very painful and we don't understand it.

Hope doesn't disappoint because our hope is that we have a savior who died for us and rose again so we can have eternal life with him and with other loved ones who are fellow believers. The hope I have that doesn't disappoint is the fact that I will one day see Christ and be reunited with my son. God allowed us the opportunity to be Nathan's parents by allowing us eleven wonderful days with him. We are truly grateful and thankful we had that opportunity.